dun ask me why the title is BLOG. cuz. well. it just is. BLOG

anyway. first things first. I QUIT MY JOB. i am now officially just a student on holiday. with a lot more WHEE~ hahaha

anyway. i was on my way back from my grandma's place listening to my ronin cd -beams- and this thought suddenly hits me. i am just.. -looks around stealthily and breathes it out- ...average...

yes. it seems like nadalala is not meant for great things. and this is the reason i've come to conclude why.

1) my height being only a measly one hundred and forty nine centimetres.

yes. i can hear some critics going "149 is not average its BELOW it." gee thanks for ur undying loving support! but really. the fact tt my height is abt 3 inches below the typical height of a singaporean girl and that i'm not a midget (i'm proportionate. midgets arent.) just says tt im not supposed to be special, adversely or otherwise. and really. dun give me tt chicken little shit.

oh u're small but u can make a difference.

NO!!! REALLY?!?! I CAN? NO SHIT?! yeah duh. i know i can. but it'll probably take a herculean effort, ten times more than what is required of someone above average, as observed in something as everyday as taking a box of biscuits from a high shelf. or as basic as having to stand in the bus/mrt, especially when the pole isnt nearby. or i'f u're standing next to someone with really smelly armpits. YUCK. =/

2) i'm not THAT pretty or THAT ugly.

you know. beauty is really quite an important part of the world. (thank you bpghs english department for making read tt "ISNT SHE LOVELY" article.) i think pretty people are really very lucky: they can practically get away with virtually anything they do. i mean its not to be mean or anything. but its true.

if u asked me if i wanted to be beautiful or talented. i'll tell u beautiful. drop dead gorgeous. cuz when u are. fame and fortune comes easier than if u're talented. and i dont mean strikingly pretty like thamtham or charismatically attractive like miss tay with her haphazard devil may care attitude. i mean really pretty. really gorgeous. think audrey hepburn. gong li. gisele bunchen. naomi campbell. cindy crawford. yoanna & elise from america's next top model 2. just to name a few.

isnt this the reason why everyone pursues beauty so obsessively? because it's this primal instinct in us that recognizes the aesthetics and makes us respond more positively to it. disgusting. i think sometimes i really pitied audrey tsan in bpghs. when i'm in a really pensive philosphical mood. i think life in school wldn't have been so hard on her if she was more pleasing to the eyes. and if she didnt act the way tt made everyone wanna shove a ten foot pole up her posterior. but tt's another story.

i mean look at dingaling now. if she looked anywhere as bad as audrey tsan. she really wld be VERY lonely. probably even worse. considering she actually aims to potentially permanently maim people. i'm not trying to be mean. HONEST! but i really think being beautiful helps. and the fact i'm in neither of the extremes (though i know some people wld argue VEHEMENTLY) only makes me more certain tt i'm deemed to live a life of being average.

wow. really expanded on this topic.

3) i'm not THAT smart or THAT stupid.

again. it irks me tt i'm not brilliant. true. i do show sudden signs of brilliance now and again. but ARGH!!!! i mean it even reflects in my O level grades. i know tons of people thought i was CRAZY, crying and wailing tt i missed by one point. letting everyone think i got 21 instead of 11. but it was just in my face, taunting me with my never-ending life of mediocrity.

even if i have the gift/curse of the gab. (it's all relative) why does it not channel into something positively mindblowing like the acjc debaters. or delle marie in cj. (if tt's how u spell her name) and my ex-job required this skill. and since i did okay in it i must have some underlying skill of it. sigh. but yet...

4) i'm not a jack of all trades or a master of one. i'm a half-jack and the master of none.

i'm not talented. musically. academically. aesthically. atheletically. dramatically. anyway-ically. 'nuff said. i can sing okay. stay on key half the time. but i'm not fantastic. i can act, mediocrely. i can take decent portraits of people but its not good enough to sell. i can doodle cartoons but i'm no comic artist. i can draw patterns but i'm no designer.

i'm just...

...average...